kaliban.org May 28 2002

by Gunnar on 28. Mai 2002 · 0 comments

Keine Ahnung, wer das geschrieben hat, aber ich zitier’s hier mal frech — ist vermutlich eh’ schon älter.

What I learned from videogames
1. There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence.
2. Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.
3. One lone “good guy” can defeat an indeterminate number of “bad guys.”
4. Bad guys move in predictable patterns.
5. Except for bosses, most bad guys can be dispatched with one hit.
6. You often fare better against a large mob of bad guys then against a boss in one on one combat.
7. If you see food lying on the ground, eat it.
8. Many nice things are hidden inside other things.
9. If someone dies, they disappear.
10. Money is frequently found lying on the streets.
11. All shopkeepers carry high-tech weaponry.
12. If it’s on the ground, you should get it.
13. The operation of a weapon is a simple and obvious procedure.
14. Death is reversible (but only for you!).
15. Ninjas are common, and fight in public frequently.
16. All martial arts women wear revealing clothes and have great bodies.
17. The enemy always leaves weapons or powerups lying around for no reason other than so their bitter enemy can pick them up and defeat them with it.
18. Shoot everything. If it blows up or dies, it was evil. If it doesn’t, try and pick it up — it was probably a powerup or bonus.
19. Gang members frequently all look the same, and often have the same names.

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